BEDN: Anti Bullying Week

This seems like such a miserable post to throw myself back into blogging with, but I'm sure by the end of reading this, you won't mind.

First, I must say, I've been such a fail for Blog Every Day in November. Like, seriously. Broken laptop-ness has not helped the situation one tiny bit. So, I'm picking up and I'm going to try my hardest to keep it up. We do still have a couple of weeks left, after all. And following this month, I'm going to take a good look at my editorial plan and get this situation under control.

Right, back to the topic in hand. Bullying is still what I consider somewhat of a crisis. It really can affect you at any age - it's not reserved for the playground. It can happen in the workplace, or even at home.

If you're fortunate enough to have never been bullied, then congratulations. You are a rare species or you are the one who has actually done the bullying. In which case, slap yourself and then get the help you obviously need.

I have very faint memories of when I was 'picked on' a little at school, as my mum would put it. Why am I lying? They are vivid and it was horrible. Without turning this into a counselling session, I was targeted for a short time by a group of girls at school because I was different to them.

You may or may not have gathered from my photos that I am from an ethically-diverse background. My heritage is mostly Jamaican but throw in a little Native American, Scottish and French and you’ll get something closely resembling moi. And I am proud.

But the girls who didn’t like me actually looked fairly similar to me, give or take a few shades. And unfortunately, that was the problem. I didn’t speak enough slang. I didn’t give my teachers attitude. I was bookish. My hair wasn’t gelled to the side of my face (was that ever really a thing? Oh my goodness). I was softly spoken and I had a diverse mix of friends.

Sadly, intra-racial bullying does exist. Until that point, I was mostly oblivious to it.

My parents describe me as the kind of person who doesn’t ‘see colour’ and I think that’s a fair way to put it. I won’t ever judge someone on a stereotype or how I think someone should look or behave because of their race. To me, that is mindless and stupid. My entire life, I have been acutely aware of my heritage. Therefore, when I faced questions like, ‘Why are you so posh?’, ‘Why are is your complexion so fair?’, ‘Why are all of your friends white?’, I was completely outraged and a little bit baffled. To be clear, I am not posh, my complexion was not my choice but I like it so whatever and all of my friends were not white. I was confused because up until that point, I had never been told that I should be a particular way. And you know what? I stuck with that. I like who I am and how I treat people and that won’t change.

Kudos to my family for setting an amazing example of how to treat everyone fairly. I endeavour to teach my children (and they are a long way off) the same thing.

Having to endure that kind of treatment taught me a few things about bullies:

• They probably just need a hug. No, seriously. I look out how those girls have turned out and it’s quite obvious to me that there weren’t a lot of people around to teach them to make positive decisions
• We are often a product of our environment. Some people are brought up in homes where their poor behaviour is excused and sometimes encouraged.
• Hurt people hurt people. No, that is not a typo. Go back and read it again. Who knows what kind of battle some people are facing at home?
• Some people are just horrible. Fact. And there’s nothing that you can do for them except be a good person. Somebody has to show them love, or how will they ever change? I’m not saying be a doormat but retaliating may only make things worse.

And finally, if you know that someone is being bullied, or maybe it’s you who is enduring hell-on-earth, speak to someone. I cannot stress this enough. It’s difficult and it’s miserable and sometimes scary but you must.

If nobody seems to want to listen to you, don’t be fobbed off. Persist. If it’s a work situation, keep a log of when it happens and what the incident is. If you see something, say something.

Nobody walking this earth has the right to make you feel as rubbish as bullying does. Absolutely no-one. And if there’s anything I can say from my experience, it’s this: it does get better. Once those girls realised that I did not by any stretch of the imagination want to be like them and I was not going to conform or change, they backed off. Was it miserable at the time? Of course. But I had some very loyal friends who stuck by me and an absolute angel of a mother who assured me that this was just a blip and I needn’t be anyone that I didn’t want to be.

There we have it, folks. A little wee glimpse into a short episode of my teenage years. This post has actually made me reflect quite a lot. And I feel so thankful that I’m writing this age 22, on the other side of school, teenagedom and all the rest of that. Sadly, some victims of severe bullying don’t make it out of the other side. Rather than seeking help (usually because they’re afraid), they choose to take their own lives. This is something that we must all endeavour to see change. 18-22 November is Anti-Bullying Week. This year, there is a particular focus on Cyber Bullying. You'll be happy to know I won't be talking about that in this post because I already had a rant about that here.

Well, that was heavy. Promise not all of my content is this deep but I definitely feel that it was something worth addressing.

20 in this photo. Happy and carefree. It gets better, I promise.

Much love,