Melly's Musings...On Love | Part One - Heartbreak

February is the month that seems to get people talking about love. So...I've decided to write a mini series. Today, we're talking about heartbreak.
Sometimes, I get stuck on what to write about on Inside Melly's Mind but this is a subject that I've got more than usual to say.

By now, I think I've had my fair share of heartache, and so I'm chipping in with my experience and lessons I've learnt from a broken heart. 

It's okay to cry

Some people see crying as a weakness but it's absolutely not. If you need to cry, do it. During my last break-up, I was okay on the day that it happened. Then the next day, I got into bed and cried so hard that I felt sick. 

It's true what people say; you feel so much better after a good cry. Let it out. You may feel like the tears will never end. They will. Just take time to feel all of your feelings. Suppressing them makes it so much worse. 

Make healthy decisions

Everyone deals with break-ups differently. Some people go out and drink. Some immediately hook up with someone else. Maybe you'll just want to stay in bed. Whatever you do, try not to wallow for too long.

Day-by-day, just try to live your best life. 

Cut them off

I know that sounds harsh but this is the best thing you can do for yourself. Even if you become good friends in the future, give yourself time to begin healing. Stop looking at their social media, archive that Whatsapp chat. Delete them from your Snapchat. Stop texting. Stop calling. Do you want to see photos of them having fun without you? Don't put yourself through that. 

Obviously if there are children involved, it makes things different but if you have the luxury of a clean break, take it. I't's difficult at first but before long, you'll be glad that you had the discipline to stay away from it all and save your feelings. 

Resist the urge to text them when you hear 'your song' or find yourself hanging out somewhere that the two of you went together. If they keep finding excuses to speak to you, ask them to respect that you need some space, or just blank them. I struggle to ignore people but occasionally, it's for the best. 

Stop talking about them 

I appreciate how patient my friends are because it took a very long time for me to remove a particular person's name from my vocabulary. Trust me, the sooner you do it, the better. 

The more you talk about them, the more difficult it becomes to move on; you end up keeping memories alive that you're probably remembering through rose-tinted glasses anyway. 

I eventually got to a point where I completely bored myself and everyone around me, just going over the past.

Don't go back 

Occasionally, broken relationships can be fixed but most of the time, they ended for a good reason. 

If you're going back to an ex out of loneliness, fear that you'll never find anyone else, sex or even pity, rein it in. You're likely to regret it, in the long run. 

Also, if they keep spending time with you but are undecided about what they want from you, that's a red flag. Move on. If they know they can have your commitment without being straight with you, you're going to end up in a situationship and those never end well. 

Feel all of your feelings 

There will be good days. There will be bad days. There will be days where you feel nothing at all. 

Occasionally, you'll burn with anger and others, all you'll want to do is cry. Whatever you feel, the only way out is through. Acknowledge your emotions but don't wallow in them. 

Do what makes you feel good 

I always find that a sassy playlist and me-time helps me along. Spend time with people who make you happy to be alive. Overdress! Laugh. Eat a lunch that you love. Have a moan if you need to. Buy your own flowers!

Self-care isn't always high on our list of priorities but if you take good care of yourself, navigating single life doesn't just become bearable, it turns into a positive experience. 

Acknowledge your mistakes and lessons you've learnt

This can be a tough one but nobody else can do this for you. Nobody enjoys evaluating themselves as a person but if you want to grow, it's essential. 

I now know my non-negotiables and I have accepted the things that maybe I could have done better, in the past. When it comes to my next relationship, I know what I expect - from them and more importantly, myself.

That's all, for this post. I didn't realise I'd have so much to say but if it helps even one person, that's enough. Look out for part two. 

Lots of love,

Melly 

xox