Melly's Musings...On Love | Part Two - Being Happily Single

Today, I'm talking about my current single status and why it's not a disease. 

Hhmm, single life. It can be a touchy subject for some. There are singles who wish they were married. There are married people who are wishing they were single. Truth is, the grass is always greener. 

At 25, I've only recently started to appreciate the upside to being single. I've never been married but I've done relationships, situationships and heck, I've even stumbled into a casual situation. Truth is, there is no such thing as an ideal relationship status, without putting some work in.

I think of the people I could have potentially married (one of whom actually is now) and I'm so glad that things worked out differently. 

For all of my teenage years, I was riddled with the usual angst but more than anything, I wanted to be a 'we'. It was imperative. My diary was filled with photos of whoever my crush was at the time. Pages of my 'new' signature. 

I've never spoken so openly about being single before because I don't wear it like a badge of honour but I'm also not ashamed, worried or fearful about it anymore. 

Things like jealousy, comparison and fear of the unknown are things completely robbed my joy and I've decided that I'm just not leaving room for that in my life anymore. 

So, here are some of the things that I think I take for granted about being single and will probably miss a little bit, when I'm not...

I can be selfish with my time

I don't have to check my schedule with anyone else's. I come and go as I please. My holidays aren't planned around someone else. I don't attend awkward family events of my partner's. It's pretty awesome, to be honest. 

There's something lovely about sharing your life and a large majority of your time with your significant other but I'm happy running my solo schedule for now. 

My dreams are all my own 

Being in a great relationship means being a little bit vulnerable and that can leave a person feeling exposed. Now, I'm all for sharing my world. I actually consider myself a very open person but right now, my focus is making my little world a place that's really worth sharing. I don't want my next guy to arrive to a life that has seen no real activity or achievement. 

I've never really been with someone that I can fail in front. You know, on the days when I'm not feeling sparkly or like a high achiever, I'll need to be with someone who can help me pick up the pieces. 

I don't have to share my body 

But Mel, isn't your body always yours? Of course it is but right now, nobody else has to see it; I'm a work in progress right now. When the time is right, I'll be happy to show it all off. 

I also have no children, which I'm told changes your body forever. That thought terrifies me and I'm just plain old not ready. 

Less financial obligations 

'Do it now, while you haven't got a mortgage.' 

People have no idea how insulting that is. I do have financial obligations but I know those sort of comments come from a good place (mostly). They're half right. Going freelance would have been a much much scarier and riskier prospect, if I had an actual physical home to keep together, with someone else. That is of course unless I marry a man who is much more successful than me and I don't have to work but you know what? That doesn't even appeal to me. Hats off to the stay-at-home mommas, you work hard. You're not the people I'm referring to. Ladies who just want to sit around? Fix up - what will you have to offer, when your looks fade? 

My heart's desire is to work on my career right now - it's what fires me up. In a way, I asked for this. It's important to know what you're doing, in each season of your life and I finally feel more settled in my heart, about what I have going on right now. 

I'm content, emotionally 

It took so long for me to get over (and shake off) the last person I was involved with. I never thought I'd get to the point emotionally where I am now, so this is all such a huge relief. 

No more pining. No more going over the past. No more replaying what could have been. No more heartache. 

I know my worth 

Occasionally, I slip up and let someone unworthy have my focus but mostly, I can keep it together. 

Have you ever had a friend who will just date any old hound because they pay them some attention? There's a common term for them floating around the internet but I don't swear on this blog, so I won't say it here. Well, being single leaves you open to all kinds of temptation. My fear is that I'll fall into the pits of desperation but my best friend assures me that she will never ever let that happen. Daily, I have to remind myself that I deserve to live my best life and that includes guarding my heart. 

If you're in a 'so, what are we?' situation right now...end it. That's the best advice I can give to you. If they only see you when it's convenient or they're not actively pursuing you, stop making excuses for them and move on. It hurts but future you will be so thankful! 

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I've only ever had one card. To be honest, it doesn't mean that much to me. It was my birthday last week and I was completely overwhelmed by how many people went out of their way to make me feel special. 

Every single day, I am certain of how loved I am - by God, my friends, my family and myself. Before I can make my circle of love and influence any bigger, I have to love myself...and I do. I love my life and I'm falling more in love with living out my purpose every single day. 

I've decided that I'm not calling it 'single life' anymore. I am just living; day-by-day, just trying to do my very best, create amazing memories and have brilliant experiences. 

Loving others makes everyone's lives a lot better. That is what I endeavour to do - through my life and my decisions. When the right person comes along, my dream is that he has been doing the same. 

Lots of love to you - whoever and wherever you are, this Valentine's Day. 

Melly xo