"Why Aren't You Settled Down?" | Part Two

What kind of person do I want to be married to? What kind of wife do I want to be? I am so glad that I didn't get what I asked for when I was a lot younger because as I mentioned in part one, I'd have made a terrible mess.

One thing I've used my twenties to do is work on myself and really decide what it is I'm looking for. Here are some I've asked myself recently. 

Can I fail in front of this person? 

This is a big one for me and I'll tell you why. Being freelance can make for more than the average amount of setbacks in your work life. When clients haven't paid on time, I can't seem to get words on the page and I don't win the pitch that I was sure I was going to get, can I rely on you to help me to put things back together? My face won't let me tell lies and I'm quite an emotionally open person, so being able to fall apart in front of someone is important to me. Something else to consider: how do they handle conflict? Are they emotionally mature? 

Do they encourage me? Are their words uplifting? Do they make you believe that anything is possible? 

If you can't encourage me, forget it. We all know the power of speech. If your significant other can't speak good things into your life, that's one thing but if they go out of their way to be damaging with their words, move on sis. I'll be real here, I've had to get over being labelled various things that I wasn't by someone who was meant to do the exact opposite. I know the standard that I expect now and anything less just cannot fly.

What's their relationship with themselves like? 

Seems like an odd question but how do they feel about themselves? Are they self-disciplined? Do they lead themselves well?  Do they strive to improve or are they happy to be stagnant? I love a bit of determination. When you make an effort to make your life better, it touches the people around you. On that note, what are their relationships with the people in their life like? 

Can we laugh together?

Is it really that important? Not until you don't have it. Laughter, joy, humour and feeling at ease around someone is everything. I laugh a lot, so if you don't, you're going to struggle with me. Plus, laughter is really good for you. 

Are they a good friend?

I've made the mistake of dating without friendship and it's not something I'm willing to do again. Once the sexiness and the sparks are gone, can I strip everything away and find a good friend standing there? Do you cheer me on? Can I trust you? Can I rely on you? Do you believe in my dreams? 

Can we sit in comfortable silence?

I don't mean sitting across from someone, on your phone. I mean that feeling of knowing that you're connected to someone, without having to say a word. It wasn't something I'd placed a lot of value on until it was pointed out to me and it's a wonderful thing to have. Can they be my escape? Do I feel content? My love language is quality time, so I'm a cheap date but those silences can't be awkward. 

Do they make my dreams bigger? 

I've been reading stats recently about how marriage can improve your health and wealth. Sounds good to me but those level-ups need to come in other forms. I do believe that experiencing life with someone can feel like one great big adventure and that's what I want. Can they bring that out in me? 

And now, I turn all of these questions back on myself because how dare I ask for so much and then turn up with nothing. Am I the things that I am asking for? 

Obviously, there's a lot more to relationships than the questions I've asked here but these are important ones, off the top of my head and things that I've thought about recently. 

What are your non-negotiables? Have you ever had them or did you just stumble upon the ideal person? 

Thank you for stopping by! 

Melly 

xoxo